Friday, February 28, 2014

Losing Myself

Another of my main goals for this year is to loose weight. Many people have this goal but I know that I need to loose the 100+ extra pounds that I am currently carrying. It has become an issue of not just my self esteem but also my health. I worry about getting diabetes, high cholesterol, more food allergies, the disease my father died from called CADASIL, and have developed sleep apnea (which can cause heart issues).
While I am at times literally scared for my health I cant seem to stop the bad habits that have gotten me to this point. I have even developed a few worse habits than I ever had before. I not only eat foods that are horrible for me but I also have started binge eating. I have never done this before, it is like I cannot stop my hands from pushing the food into my mouth one bite after the other!
My main goal for the rest of this year is to be 20-30 lbs lighter by the time Christmas comes back around. I have all the other tools at my disposal, I just need to gather my courage, and my will power. I have the time, a gym membership, knowledge, and need.
I need to find my courage as I have never been so scared to do anything in my life, but I know that it will be worth it. I have never been as heavy as I am right now, have never had to lose as much as I need to. I just have to make it past the first few pounds and I know my drive will kick in, it is just getting started for the first month.

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